


Seasons Change

by vogue91



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Book 6: Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince, Drabble Collection, Gen, Introspection, POV First Person
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-13
Updated: 2017-12-13
Packaged: 2019-02-14 07:12:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 575
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13002561
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vogue91/pseuds/vogue91
Summary: I cross Hogwart’s threshold like a condemned man walks toward the gallows, leaving his last wish behind.My mother’s afraid I succeed in my mission, my father fears my failure.





	Seasons Change

**_Leaves Keep Falling Down_ **

****

I cross Hogwart’s threshold like a condemned man walks toward the gallows, leaving his last wish behind.

My mother’s afraid I succeed in my mission, my father fears my failure.

And I... I don’t know what actually frightens me. I just know that I see everywhere omens of defeat, that I can see death at every corner, and I can’t understand if it’s come to take me.

The deciduous leaves, the reddish sunset and a wind which I still don’t know if it’s warm or already cold. Everything looks new to me.

Like it’s the last time I have the right to see it.

 

**_Snowblack_ **

****

I wake up with a shortness of breath, blinded by the whiteness coming from the window.

Snow is falling in a deafening silence, unable to distract me from my nightmares of blood, of death, of war, or failure.

He trusts me. He bestows me a bravery I’m not so sure I own anymore.

Or he just marked me as expendable, on the altar of a war he’s sure to win, and in which I’m only another piece of an infernal chessboard, which will be taken to make him have his checkmate.

I still got time. Pressures are going to be weak for a few more months, but there’s never enough time to look for an escape.

 

**_Sunless Spring_ **

****

The Mark burns like living fire on my skin. I can’t feel a thing around me, no sign of the upcoming spring manages to hit me. The wind starts to warm, but I feel so cold, like I’m unable to be touched by anything that surrounds me.

I’m too close to the goal, and yet I feel lightyears afar. I don’t know how to explain that.

In moments of less clarity I can almost hear the Dark Lord’s voice, deceptive and seducing, which hides orders behind requests.

I’d love to scream, scream that I can’t.

But I don’t, because there’s no one to hear me.

In this sunny spring, I’m devoured by the darkness.

 

**_Grudge Under the Sun_ **

****

I’ve failed the Dark Lord, I’ve failed my father.

I’ve failed myself. I knew that in the end something was going to halt me, that at the first sign of hesitation on my part the whole plan would’ve fallen to pieces, like a bunch of sand.

 _He_ killed him in my stead, just like he had sworn to.

Yeah, I’ve failed him too. And now I feel like everybody’s avoiding my gaze, like I’m being ignored, like my own cowardice is the most contagious sickness.

This summer will be nothing but a sinister prelude, and I’ll face the months to come with my guilt as my sole companion, until an unlikely payback.

 

**_War Makes no Seasons_ **

****

War is not useful at all, but at least I’ve learned something from it.

In war as in terror, there’s no room for seasons.

There’s no sun warm enough to let go of fear, or cold that could overcome the shivers of not knowing if tomorrow’s gonna come, that could sharpen that discomfort coming from the outside reality.

I’m starting to believe I’m on the wrong side of the river, but it doesn’t matter. None of us is going to live long enough to find out who’ll win and who’ll perish.

I didn’t matter whether I was able to finish my mission. This was all written.

And I could do nothing to erase it.


End file.
